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JOHN ROTHFUSZ, PASTOR - Phone 779-901-0803; email:
Dear Friends in Christ,
“15If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.” Matthew 18:15
This is from our Gospel reading for next Sunday. It gives some essential advice on how we are to live together as God’s people in the church. We have to talk to one another when we feel hurt or pushed aside, and work things out together. Otherwise things never get any better.
Matthew 18 is a call for reconciliation and peace-making in the church. If your brother or sister sins against you in some way, your call and responsibility is to go directly to them and tell them gently how their actions affected you. When we have a break in a relationship, intentional or not, it is important to clear the air, and make sure that both people involved understand that there is an issue.
It can be very difficult to live this out. But the alternatives are far worse. If we don’t talk to the other person directly, we might sit and stew in our anger, fuming, while they go blissfully on, perhaps not even aware of our hurt. Or if we talk about it to someone else about it instead, we are drawing them into the hurt, magnifying its power and impact, without acting to heal it. There is good reason that Jesus commands us to speak directly to one another if we have a conflict or disagreement.
How should we live this out? What if all members and friends of Salem Lutheran made a point to follow this “Matthew 18:15 rule?” What if we agreed to always go directly to the person who hurt us, and let them know? They might well have been thoughtless or spoken without realizing how it would affect us. And what if we expected others to come to us and tell us how we have messed up, so that we can receive it with a humble spirit, and seek forgiveness where we have done harm?
It really does not help to “triangle” someone else into the conflict by talking to a third person about it. It may lessen your own anxiety by passing some on to them, but it does not work things out with the first person. Jesus calls us to go directly to someone who has upset us, and tell them about it. If someone comes to us to complain about a third person, we should ask, “Have you talked to them?” We can help each other develop good habits of speaking directly to the people and issues that trouble us.
I recognize that many of us find this hard to do. Some of us have been taught not to raise a fuss, not to confront people directly if they hurt us. But Jesus calls us to speak the truth in love. He challenges us to be reconciled to one another and live at peace, which takes hard work. It is not fun to go with hurts or anger to our brother or sister, and it is not fun to find that we are the ones who have hurt someone else. But when we clear the air in love, we have the chance to put aside our division, and reclaim our bond of love in Christ. We each have the chance to confess our sin and brokenness and find a new and restored life together.
Conflict and disagreement are a normal part of life. They is not bad or wrong in the church, because we all bring different interests and viewpoints. But how we deal with conflict makes all the difference. If we will each dare to answer Jesus’ call and speak directly to one another when we have a disagreement, it will go a long way toward restoring and maintaining the peace of God among us.
Yours in Christ,
Pastor John Rothfusz
